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Our hero. Zero bullshit tolerance. Works as a computer tech and wielder of Clue Bat. Sarah spends her Copious Free Time playing with computer guts, watching way too much anime, reading, and playing way too many games.

Likes: Fast computers, case mods with pretty lights, Virginia Slims menthol 120's, sushi, her cats

Dislikes: Macs, beans, Fangirls, [PWDL], her cats

Nobody's quite sure what Dude's real name is. Sarah went out with him for a few years, and she's not even 100% certain. His parents were surfers, so his birth certificate might well say "Dude" on it. Decent fellow, but a few tiles short of a double-word score, if you get our drift. Currently working for a small game company in Dallas, on the dev team for a game entitled "Berry Bear Bares It All."

Likes: Food, pr0n, games that don't require thinking, surfing

Dislikes: Working
Sarah's boss. Good man. Knows to stay the hell out of Sarah's way when she is wielding sharp objects, live ammunition, or a soldering iron.

Likes: Abandonware, programming, weird computers

Dislikes: Mrs. Eggntater's computer, his mother-in-law, Asshat
mrs. eggntater
Mrs. Eggntater
Mean old bat.


Liked: Picking on the employees of every retail establishment she set foot in

Disliked: Everything else
mrs. eggntater's computer
Mrs. Eggntater's Computer
High voltage. Extreme danger to life and limb. Do not feed or tease.

Likes: Electricity, the souls of the stupid

Dislikes: Power outages, dust
Gramma BFG
Gramma BFG

A sweet little old lady who enjoys knitting, baking, and gibbing the living shit out of unsuspecting teenagers at Quake. Her computer would make any hardcore geek or gamer weep with joy and envy, and lives in a handmade oak case with brass inlays and a leaded glass window on the side.

Likes: Any game involving large guns and flying gibs, cons, Quake tournaments, FFX

Dislikes: Mrs. Eggntater, dumb teenage boys who think they are TEH R0XX0R, FF9, the lame Christmas, birthday, and Mother's Day presents her kids always give her

[PWDL] is an unusual character, in that it is not any one person, but rather an anonymous stand-in for, well, People We Don't Like. If you think it's you and this offends you, it probably is.

What [PWDL] wants to be when it grows up. Meaner, nastier, and dumber version of [PWDL]. Again, if you think it's you and this offends you, it probably is.
Allegedly A+ certified, Rob does not know a modem from a video card from his ass from his elbow from a hole in the ground. Fortunately, Rob no longer works for Eleet. His unique brand of...expertise is currently being utilized by Southwestern Bell Internet tech support.

Likes: Warez (or would if he could figure out where to find them), AOL, the Bonzi Buddy

Dislikes: Thinking
Fangirl Fangirl
Not all fangirls are Fangirl. If you have ever used the phrase "R+R PLZ!!!!!!," or if half of any given blog post of yours contains the "XD" smiley, or if you have ever defended your heinous Mary Sue wankfic as an "alternate universe," or if you have ever ripped off fanart for your pretentious blog layout or LiveJournal userpics without the artist's express written permission, or if you have ever gone on holy Jihad because someone pointed out the physical impossibility of your crack-laden yaoi pairing, consider yourself Fangirl.
Jay the Mac Tech
Jay is Sarah's Mac counterpart at Eleet Computers, Inc. Aside from the occasional good-natured trading of Macintrash-vs.-Wintendo jokes, they get along pretty well. One of a rare few technicians Sarah has not managed to scare away...mostly because Sarah knows fuckall about Macs and needs someone around who can fix them.

Likes: Macs, OSX, Pepsi, any anime or game involving giant robots, his XBox

Dislikes: PCs, Microsoft, two-button mice
Best mom in the world. Even if she does use a Mac.

Likes: Painting, fixing up the house, Cowboy Bebop, Henry Rollins

Dislikes: Ignorance, stupidity, Biblethumpers, rap "music," Republicans

The best dad in the world.

Likes: Shar-peis, Death By Stupidity sauce, woodworking, jewelry casting, classic cars, whitewater kayaking, gardening, the ongoing quest to duplicate James Coney Island's chili recipe, The Man Show (yes, he knows it's making fun of its target audience; that's why he likes it so much)

Dislikes: Squirrels in the bird feeder, soggy campsites, wimpy chili

Spazz Spazz
Sarah's elder cat. Generally well-behaved and extremely laid-back, though he has an annoying tendency to give Sarah the old Butt Hello at the worst possible times. Will not claw furniture, but will destroy a scratching post in less than a week.

Likes: Tuna water on his food, catnip, scratching posts, laps, car rides

Dislikes: Claw clippers, canned air, milk
Sarah's younger cat. Also answers to Boogerhead, Demon Seed, Shred-O-Matic, and OW GODDAMMIT GET OFF MY LEG. Do not let the adorable little face or the little pink nose or the little pink toes fool you. This cat would just as soon rip your heart out and eat it as look at you.

Likes: Tuna fish, wet food, toys that rattle, playing fetch, mouse heads, giving kisses, YOUR ETERNAL SOUL

Dislikes: Baths, car rides, belly rubs, dogs, other cats, birds, humans, holy water
Dad's shar-pei puppy. Paper-trained at six weeks, learned to use the dog door at eight weeks. Will pick up her toys and put them in her bed when she's done playing with them. Does not yet realize that her claws and teeth are razor-sharp. Mysteriously acquires a new toy every time Dad comes back from Wal-Mart.

Rosie is the successor to Chief Thundercloud, the best dog ever.

Likes: Chewing on Dad, chewing on Sarah, chewing on anything that doesn't chew her first, chewing on anything that does chew her first, liver snaps, toys that squeak

Dislikes: Not being the center of attention
The Barony of Sapphire Springs


Baron of Sapphire Springs, a chapter of an as-yet unnamed LARP. Unlike some past barons, Roland is in possession of a brain and a heart. Unfortunately, he lacks the necessary spine, guts, and balls to go with them.

Likes: Quests that require thinking, giving awards to folks that deserve them

Dislikes: Crimson Fang, lacking the guts to deal with same, newbies that refuse to wear garb


Fully admits he's mostly in the LARP because beating people up with a padded stick is fun, but doesn't mind the roleplaying part of it at all.

Likes: Big weapons, leatherworking, chicks who play barbarians with huge 2-point weapons

Dislikes: Cheesy battle tactics, people who won't take their friggin' shots


The opposite of his friend Talon--he prefers the roleplaying to the beating. Which is why he plays a wizard.

Likes: Harry Potter, Arts & Sciences tournaments, writing quests

Dislikes: People who fuck up his quests by killing the NPCs, barbarians


Reigning monarch of the Kingdom of the Emerald Sea, which spans several LARP chapters in the area. Recently crowned and just now figuring out that his predecessor seriously screwed a bunch of things up. For one, the dude knighted some real jackasses.

Likes: Visiting the various groups of the Kingdom, coordinating feasts, knighting folks that deserve it

Dislikes: Ass-kissers, stick jocks, and griefers

Sir Clayton

Captain of the Circle of Knights. Very picky weapon inspector. Takes zero bullshit from anyone, regardless of number of knight belts.

Likes: Courtesy padding, well-constructed arrows, tournaments

Dislikes: Unsafe weapons, people who attempt to sneak same past him


Not yet knighted, and will probably stay that way for a long time to come. Notorious for accidentally-on-purpose whacking newbies in the 'nads and sneaking the heaviest, nastiest illegal weapons ever onto the field.

Likes: Really heavy weapons, intimidating newbies, intimidating Roland, shield-bashing

Dislikes: The rule that forbids shield-bashing, RP geeks, Ayame

Dame Corina Montaigne

How exactly this bitch got knighted, we may never know. She doesn't do a damn thing but stand around and look pretty, she's flunked her Reeve's test four times, and although she's played a healer for three years, she still can't remember the words to the spells without carrying a rulebook onto the field with her. Maybe she boinked the previous King. We do, at least, know that although she and Atlus are an item, she has run off to bang Thorne on at least one occasion. Yuk.

Rumor has it she is a refugee from the local Vampire LARP, which kicked her out for her godmoding and bitching.

Likes: Revealing garb, impractical footwear, fangs, waterproof mascara

Dislikes: Squires that show up dressed better than her, breaking her nails, smearing her makeup

Sir Sir Sir Atlus

No, that is not a typo, this prick actually got knighted three times. Atlus is of the worst order of asshat: the kind that can charm and bullshit his way out of any accusation of asshattery. Fortunately, there are a few people in high places that ain't buying it.

Likes: His perfect hair, his perfect tan, his perfect, perfect teeth, Corina

Dislikes: Inferior life forms (read: anyone who does not wear the Crimson Fang device), Clayton, Jonas


AKA Sarah. Plays an assassin, and plays it to the hilt. Does not use any of the abilities allowed to her class and level except poison weapons, throwing daggers, and the occasional Touch of Death. Has returned to the LARP after a lengthy absence to help rid it of certain arsehelms.

Likes: Good sturdy climbing trees, projectile weapons, short swords, shadowy hiding spots

Dislikes: Direct light, noisy garb and equipment, treeless plains, d00dz, griefers, drama junkies, stick jocks, Crimson Fang